If you give a mouse a mustache...

...You really ought to name him Algernon!

Therefore we have done both here at Power-Stache. Meet Algernon, our new Power-Stache mascot and cyber-pet!

Algernon means 'wearing a mustache' in old French. And naturally, the only Algernon most of us know is a mouse from the book Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes. What a loyal little guy! And since he had that treatment in the book, it means he's really educated&shit [we will ignore the ending where he digresses]. Keep a look out for this little guy in the right column of the blog. Don't let him get lonely! And make sure he keep's up with styling his mousetache, [see what I did there?] as he can be lazy at times.

-bruiser

PS- thanks to both my sisters with their help with this post!

Facial Hair Friday

So I came across this fine lookin' picture a while ago but didn't realize who the Orleans were until I started writing this post. They sing that awful song 'Still the One' [which I secretly hoped was the same one by Lee Ann Rhymes Shania Twain]. This is the kind of music that makes you avoid going to CVS. Okay, maybe I am the only one here that lets music dictate my shopping choices. But I have standards. And Fleetwood Mac is nawt one of them. Phil Collins, however, is. I'm digressing.

So I know nothing about the Orleans, let alone that they were even a band and not, infact, called New Orleans although that makes way more sense. So lets guess the instrument based on hair shall we? From left to right: drummer, bassist, vocalist, guitarist. Now the bassist and guitarist are kindof a tie cause they both have the über-nerd look going for them. And I'm wrong. No surprise there. From left to right: vocalist, bassist, drummer, and guitarist. Well we can all rest easy knowing the sterotypes for bassists still hold true [aka the weird ones of the group. Prime example: Flea of RHCP. I rest my case].

Adduchionally, this picture is like a 70s time capsule. The drummer's feathered hair and the guitarist's 'shroom cut are ideal. And can you tell that the two on the left are brothers? It's not every day you see identical rippled-perms. pluss there is no lack of facial hair. Even better than that is the wood paneling behind them. Nothing more soothing than extending flooring to eye level. Except for feathered hair, maybe. Looks soft.

-bruiser

Forte's Fake

Just because SNL is over for the season, doesn't mean we can't talk about it. And how about that guy Will Forte? He seems to be their go-to man for moustached characters and he is stachetastic. From Mr. Dillon in the Gilly skits to the ESPN announcer, Greg Stink, Forte has the mustache down to nearly natural.

Look at it! He loves it. I mean derr.

Lets discuss the acclaimed opposite band, Jon

Bovi. How good are they? Can someone find me a cd puhleze? Love all around for the Jon Bovi crew, including Seth Meyers, but I mean look at Forte's moustache. It has more volume than Jon Bon Jovi ever had in his heyday. And the gayest fishnet shirt I have ever seen. If only Stefon could get a piece of that action. THATS HOW YOU DO IT.

Another one of Forte's more clueless characters, Mr. Dillon is constantly duped by Gilly, but don't let that fool you - the man does know a thing or two about facial hair. It is the ideal middle-class mustache: a little on the thin side and extra lengthy, but still perfectly shaped to show his displeasure.

I can't wait to see more stachetastic characters from Forte come fall. Oh, and who can I talk to about more Jon Bovi Updates?

-bruiser

Facial Hair Friday

Art is a weird thing. It's more like 'others appreciate your vision' than a stamp declaring a certain piece is 'art'. It's all so subjective! Unlike Power-Stache, which is a science.

Take this exhibit at the MoMA for example. The artist sat in a chair in the middle of the room and would have 'portraits' come and sit across from her and stare at each other for hours. Some people cried, which is lame. 'Cause no one looks good crying and that shits your portrait forever. I scoured the portraits and came up with the best of the facially-haired. And here is Day 6, Portrait 14, whom I've affectionately named Grizelz:

Now Grizelz here is by far the burliest of the bunch. He sports a full, unkempt beard, for which I can only imagine is for one of three reasons: 1) He needs it for survival in the arctic air 2) He is a hipster and is trying to make an ironic statement, contrasting the growing beard to his receding hairline or 3) It is a religious observation.

Now, it would only seem natural that being 'really into beards' ought to be an option but people who are truly 'into' beards know the difference between stylishly unkempt and straight up homeless, and therefore, Grizelz does not fall into the 'really into beards' category.

But not all is lost! Think of Grizelz as a supporter of the Facial-Haired movement, and not as a walking advertisement of why one ought to shave. Maybe? Either way, I'm not sure I want to see Grizelz sans-beard.

-bruiser

Another Distacheter!

It has been far too long since this blog has seen a truly bad stache. Presenting (drumroll puhleaze) Anthony Kiedis!

Now this man is the king of current music, being the front man of RHCP and all. That band understands music and boy, do they have musical skillz!

RHCP always have fresh and funky beats, but AK's stache is only stale and funky (in a bad way). Not only is it very uneven and patchy, it simply lacks any real style. A normal mustache + skinny handlebar = distacheter.

Over time Sir Psycho Sexy has clearly learned a few rules of maintaining star-quality facial hair. Here he is recently at the Lakers vs Celtics game with his boys Flea and Chad (not pictured).

Now thats a stache we can all live with. Full of body and symmetrical, it reminds me quite a bit of Johnny Depp's stache which looks GOOD. It's also a little Power-Stache which can't hurt. And an AK/Johnny Depp combo is sexy as hell.

Now I wish I could promise that the bad stache is gone for good, but unfortunately I can't. AK is never content and is willing to do nearly anything to his amazing indian (feather) hair which, as we all know here at Power-Stache is sinful but I can't do too much about it besides publicly chastise him.

Here's hoping that we never have to see him here again.

-bruiser

Awkward Facial Hair Friday

No more rules. I'm going to write whatever the hell I want on Facial Hair Fridays. Enjoy

Well this is awkward. Thanks to the stache-tastic website, Awkward Family Photos - always a plethera of awkward staches. Let's look at what kind of flavor these guys are saving. All three sons are identical clones of their father, which is a ++PLUS++. 4x the stache = 4x the badass. Here are the family members in order from left top to right bottom: Red Forman's geeky younger brother, Vince Vaughn, the accountant, and the gay one. Have you seen a better gay stereotype? No you haven't. From his mullet, to the stache, to the M*A*S*H shirt, to the jorts with matching tube socks and trainers. I can just imagine the conversation: dad says to put on your best, and you can't wear your vintage bball shorts, and your tux is too formal, and your full-length denim is in the wash, and you're saving your button down for dancing. So clearly jorts and a graphic T is the way to go. My question for everyone involved in this photo is, why is he the one kneeling? There is clearly a deeper level of family jorts pride than we are aware of.

And this is what he wears on non-formal occasions:

Stay awkward,

-bruiser

Facial Hair Friday

Facial Hair Friday has returned!!! Perhaps to your pleasure or your dismay, but I don't know since you haven't expressed any feelings about Facial Hair Friday Pilot Post. Take 2!

[And I might have changed the rules to 100 words or less since this post works out to be 100 words exactly. And yes its just because I am very passionate about said subject. And yes I might change the rules again.]

MJ's new Hanes commercial!

MJ is an innovator. First, Air Jordans, then rebranding Coca-Cola. Now he's inventing new facial hair and has failed. Horribly. WTF man? I get that some people dig the soul-patch, for reasons which are beyond my comprehension, but really? Really MJ? Were you going for the symmetrical soul-patch or for the Hitler-crustache? 'Cause you got them both down and have therefore failed doubly. Fail^2. I think it's safe to say Hitler is horrified because you managed to make it completely uneven, and you're only working with 1 inch of facial hair! Hell-no!!!

Just stop it.

-bruiser